My story

My story is so trivial that it’s almost funny…

I was a typical office worker, but the kind that every employer probably dreams of: responsible, a perfectionist, independent, extremely productive, fast, and in love with the company I worked for. I took every company failure as if it were my own and prioritized work over anything in my personal life. The only thing I did right back then was leaving the office on time (though I often felt guilty about it, but I had read in some smart book that this was how it should be, so I followed that). However, I always took my work phone home with me, which would ring at any time—weekends and even at night.

I subconsciously felt the looming disaster quite early on. I sought help from various psychologists, training sessions, groups, etc., but since I still didn’t know what the problem was, it didn’t help much. The wedding preparations and the wedding itself wore me down a bit. During our three-week honeymoon, I couldn’t stop thinking about work, I slept poorly, and then I stopped sleeping altogether. Uncontrollable anxiety set in, and after a long time convincing myself that everything was fine, I one day found myself sitting in tears and shaking at my GP’s office, saying that I had no idea what was happening and that I might be having a heart attack at 30.

I could write a book about what happened next, but in short – 2 years of sick leave, piles of medication, hospitalizations, doctors, a worsening condition, and then… disability pension. I was on disability pension at 32. Without a job, without the strength to do anything, without the strength to get out of bed. It wasn’t until the doctors finally got the medication right that my condition slowly started to improve. I began thinking about what I could do, what I could manage. The limitations were still pretty brutal, but I wanted to start something, even if just a little. I tried a bunch of different activities, but it was crocheting and making the best companions that really hooked me.

Now, it’s my love… My source of energy… My meditation…